my childhood wonder is the most adult part of me.

I was catching up with a friend today. As we began to wrap up our enlivened conversation she asked me what my “biggest win of life” has been lately. I slowed for a moment and trusted the silence between us to keep us close. Searching in the vastness of my mind for a kind of win that felt ‘big’ or worthy of sharing, the only memory that grabbed my attention was the day my partner and I ran around NYC for 3 hours searching for spontaneous street art created by a mysterious artist named Invader. The memory of that day was the strongest pull for me. For a brief moment I hesitated to share because it didn’t appear to be noteworthy at first. An outside gaze and judgment crept into me momentarily, but I decided against it by sharing this memory as my body intended. My friend’s invitation helped me realize that anytime I get a chance to touch base with my childhood wonder, I win. My childhood wonder is the most adult part of me. It is actually the part of me that fully understands what life is about and what makes life meaningful and precious. It is the part of me that’s directly connected to connection, to healing, to awe, to dignity, to humanity, to creativity, to creation, to collective liberation, to possibility, to imagination, to boundless imagination. It is from this place that I can look up at the sky and not see a cloud as just a cloud. A cloud is also a dragon, a rabbit doing a cartwheel, the wind wearing a fuzzy white coat, the sky’s cotton candy, and so much more. My childhood wonder is where my inner giddiness lives, where my mind tickles with new perspectives, and the aliveness in my soul is made more visible to me. I no longer wish to reject, dismiss, and hide this part of me anymore. The trauma of ‘adulting’ under empire has made play inaccessible and threatening to so many bodies. Gradually coming into contact with our childhood wonder is trauma recovery and growing up. It is never frivolous nor a waste of time to embrace childhood wonder. It is rather the most responsible part of each of us.